Dear people of X, are there any phrases in English that you have found to be absurd or nonsensical that no-one else questions? Like ‘it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack’ I think is a ridiculous simile. Just use a magnet??

What’s yours?

Less than 2 weeks to get your tickets for seriously funny stand up StAustellArtsCentre with Ria Lina ⚜️ June 7th in St.Austell is Ria’s only appearance in Cornwall & not to be missed. Info & tix here ⬇️⬇️⬇️
uk.patronbase.com/_CornishRivier…
Little Wander #comedy

We’ll miss you #michaelgove … but not for what you think…

Ok we won’t.

Due to my on-going stupidity, I have a spare ticket for Ria Lina ⚜️ at West End Centre tomorrow (Friday); yours for a tenner.

Love is rinsing coleslaw for your kid’s packed lunch because he doesn’t like mayonnaise.

Tiger parenting is making him cabbage at school cause vegetables innit.

A warm welcome to comedian Ria Lina ⚜️ who is the tremendous guest sharing some stories with Chris Arnold this week!

Includes chatter about Live at the Apollo, Pointless, heckles, d**k pics and tea towels. How about that for variety!

open.spotify.com/episode/2PZxMs…

I’m doing Margate Festival 4pm this Sunday - who’s around and up for it?

A friend of mine has just moved here to the UK from the USA and needs to find an accountant that can do US tax stuff - do I know any individuals that work in that field. He doesn’t want to use a big company if he can help it.

Aw thanks for sharing! You have a lovely set of friends there 💜

But you need to message Mikey more often 😂

#Riawakening #liftingmenup

Luton, I know you have the big BBC festival thing next weekend but remember I announced first AND I have indoor seating. If that’s your jam come along to my show on the Thursday. And then you can still do the festival thing on Friday when it starts. If you still wanna…

They have decaf tea in the Aspire Lounges at Belfast City Airport (port)!!! 💜💜

British Airways Heathrow Airport you’re not going to let them beat you are you? Who doesn’t serve decaf to international travellers?!

I mean it’s not a competition, but Belfast is winning.

I am a convert to the curl…

I’m on my way to Ireland for the first time. I’m so excited but tell me please am I a bad person for hating my Aer Lingus experience so far? Just awful.

I haven’t even boarded the plane yet but if feels like someone at the top just sees us as cattle to make money from. 🤮

I got my flirt on with the front row 😜

Why? WHY???

Just kicked off Mach Comedy Fest with Jessica Fostekew TOUR ON SALE NOW and can you please go see her, the show is amazing.

Great writing, some bits I REALLY resonated with (you have to go and see which story 😁), and a great night all round.

She’s on tour now. Check her out 💜

QUESTION:

Why do churches have small porches at their entrances? And I don’t mean at the door, I mean over their front gate?

Back presenting BBC Upload this evening & Saturday, always a treat!

Featuring top uploads from Eleanor Barker-White #MyNameWasEden, Gail Foster, Shirley Halse, live pieces from Ben Spodris, Bronwen Wilson Rashad, Mark Rutterford and chats with Ria Lina ⚜️, Wells Comedy Festival!

Busy!

bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0h…