Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

The lighter mornings, longer days, winter is almost over! Thank fk!

Had to change the bio from mid to late now...

It's cold, dark and wet, meh this time of year sucks!

This has really just become my account for looking at Porn... well a man's gota 💦💦💦

The Coop using 'the only way is up' as there tune on the advert, that's just describing there prices! #CostOfLivingCrisis

Who needs horror films when you can turn on the news, real life is far scarier.

I seem to be at my happiest when I'm being sarcastic or a cunt to people

According to my horoscope I'm about to find an exciting new Love with the energy I desire, so I'm guessing it's a new type of coffee! As the only desire I have lately is not to feel so tired.

Been ignoring the overflowing bin in the office at work for over a week, come in today and they have just dumped stuff all over the desk now instead cause they are too fucking lazy to empty it. So I gave in and done it cause it was annoying me!

The past few weeks I've got into the habit of having a wank before work, don't know if it's the heat or what, but I think it's helped to not drool over the hot customers coming into work

A 37 y/o man binge watching Love Victor over the weekend is just pathetic! So here I am a pathetic old queen!

War is here! Aint he pretty. To celebrate the release of our new #dildo we are running a competition to win the omega model pictured. To be eligible follow these rules.
1) Like and retweet
2) Follow us
3) Be over 18

Competition ends in 2 weeks. We will pay postage 😘

The older I get the hornyer I seem to get, spend so much time looking at thirst traps on twitter to relieve that tension 💦💦💦

Nothing like giving yourself a rectal swab at the clinic to wake yourself up in the morning.... #GetTested #SexualHealth

A friend I'd not been out with for years last night said your so grown up now, I was like well can't go on like a teenager for ever.... but she proved me wrong by still going on like it's still 2003

#IDAHOBIT