new gym has a platform and the plates smell like cigarettes

lol

god's most beautiful woman is somewhere out there making strange noises while stacking and sorting objects by arbitrary properties

on all levels including physical, i am lowkey filipino

greetings you lil gayboys, you all look awfully kissable today

i could never trust someone who couldn't appreciate a nice cheap hot dog

not to be vain, but i think i would look oh so beautiful nailed to a cross--lordly, even

my favorite coworker (tinfoil headset blackrock angel number guy) is talking about how aspartame causes brain lesions because it causes ecoli to defecate in your brain

i love him

fine bro we can have a hop skip and a jump together...

guy in drive through: YOU SMOKE WEED BY ANY CHANCE?

actually, no.

Manager told me to throw that “gringo music” on so I played Death Cab For Cutie and heard “yeaahhhhhhh” from across the lobby

notice:

oh you tore up your abductors the other day?

brutal; glad to hear you escaped

it's gotta feel so good being a bag of concrete mix and getting a lil wet with it

bro...? everything alright? you've been awfully quiet since imbibing the Potion of Internal Monologue..

every time i get an email stating my credit went up i feel like they left a comment on my profile saying something like
👍 good trades +rep good trader 👍👍👍

can i frolick in the blissful field with you gang

u seem awfully girthy today bro--is everything alright? you pumped for something or what?

going to the gym on sundays rocks bc u can just camp a rack for 2 hours and nobody really cares

Oh youre a melee player who's going to smoke weed and play games all day? Wow im sure this is such a special day for you