Cheryl admits even she has lost track of what her surname is

Theresa May reveals she almost appointed Rishi Sunak to her cabinet in 2018 but when she rang up, his voicemail had him going ‘WHAZZUP!’ like the Budweiser ad.

“I never called him back - I thought I can’t be signing that,” she told reporters

Gloria Estefan complains she’s currently unable to use her Miami Sound Machine as she entered the wrong password too many times and it’s locked her account.

“There’s a number to call but no-one’s answering,” she grumbled

Jess Glynne “on the mend” after being knocked to the floor by runaway horse in central London

Jake Humphrey says he rates himself as one of the bravest road crossers in Britain.

“The number one rule is to go with conviction,” he explained

Tom Hardy says Tesco had run out of 30p bags for life earlier so he was left with no option but to purchase a £1 bag.

“It made me feel angry,” he told reporters

Nick Owen confirmed as VAR for Nottingham Forest’s upcoming Premier League clash with Man City

Mel B says she was amused to read that some people have ended up causing permanent damage to their bladder by taking loads of ketamine.

“Bad luck,” she chuckled

‘Baby Reindeer vs Predator’ to arrive in cinemas on 23 May

BREAKING: US military sources say they expect Kim Kardashian’s retaliation to Taylor Swift’s diss track to be launched in the “next few hours”

Sir Keir Starmer and Angela Rayner to perform at Glastonbury under the name ‘Starmzy & A-Ray’

Roy Keane says the suggestion that Crunchy Nut Cornflakes “taste too good” is an absolute nonsense

Ed Sheeran says he LOVES the new Taylor Swift album and his favourite track is ‘Crumpets and Trumpets’

Gary Barlow announces he has appointed independent auditors to investigate how much toilet roll his family is getting through.

“I believe someone is being very wasteful and I’m determined to find out who,” he told reporters.

“It’s not good for the planet and it’s certainly not…

God reveals he’s planning to kill off someone quite famous in the next few days.

“You will be very sad,” he warned

‘Take Me Out’ to return to ITV in September - but with Paddy McGuinness replaced by ‘Breaking Bad’ actor Jonathan Banks

New Arctic Monkeys single, ‘Hi, I’m Chris, The Local Energy Advisor For Your Area’, to be released on 23 May

Professor Green says people dismiss ‘Married At First Sight Australia’ as a silly reality show but in fact it’s taught him a lot about human nature, relationships and what different places are like in Australia

Davina McCall says she’d love to be able to decode what dentists are muttering about during check-ups.

“Mine says things like ‘four to six’, ‘zero’ and ‘watch the buckle’ - and I’m lying there with no clue what the implications are,” she fretted