I saw Pearl Jam for three shillings and tuppence back in nineteen hundred and ninety three

I wonder if the person who came up with the mistletoe concept also tried other tricks

“Well well looks someone’s under some elderberries we all know what that means” *points at dick*

Whoever wrote that Christmas ditty about the five gold rings and the partridge in the pear tree was tripping ABSOLUTE BALLS

Amy Taylor from Amyl and the sniffers has the head of a suburban housewife on the Gold Coast in 1971 CHANGE MY MIND

Like she should be just fully chain smoking Winnie golds in a brown corduroy sunken lounge with Eagle Rock blasting mean this as a compliment she looks cool af

Annual reminder that Santa can see you when you’re sleeping by default

To fix go to settings>pole>north>santa>times he can see me>sleeping>off

Creepy Crawly pool cleaners are mermaids to Rhoombas CHANGE MY MIND

I would have enjoyed Napoleon (2023) a lot more if chart topping Swedes Abba hadn’t spoiled it 49 years ago in the very first line of their Eurovision topping entry “Waterloo” (1974)

To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize

Judging from the reaction of a woman at a party I just went to I am ruled by Taylor Swift

Up on patron.com/dykwia I talked the first half of Hit Machine 25 with Dave Callan We talked Oops I Did It Again, No Scrubs, I Want It That Way and Livin'La Vida Loca, honestly, it is the best collection of pop songs on any compilation

Excuse me for not tweeting sorry posting on here much anymore it’s just that thinking about the Roman Empire is a full time job for us men

Imagine if someone broke into your home sold everything in there to the neighbours gave your kids away then loudly debated whether or not to listen to what you have to say at future house meetings

That would feel weird

I like my outdoor furniture like I like my music

Metal shit from the 80s

What’s everyone’s favourite Pavarotti song that’s also a convenient run around just something to get you from A to B mines Nissan Dorma

This one goes out to Sinéad (with help from Jimeóin and Dave Callan)

youtu.be/u2-9vMQOh7s

Okay nobody go to Oppenheimer so we can all make memes about what a massive bomb it is

Why do most places in Queensland sound like Mario Kart tracks tho

Sunshine Coast
Rainbow Beach
Deception Bay
Suncorp Stadium
Fortitude Valley