i gave a man directions and he asked me out.

why would i want to go out with someone who doesn’t know where they’re going… ?

(in conversation with two beautiful women) that reminds me of a funny story (I realize they haven't passed the bechdel test yet) but I should probably leave you two alone now (as I walk away) it's important you don't talk about me at all

i would never watch an improv team without a gay guy. does that even sound right to you?

has jason derulo done anything bad? i’m about to start stanning

At first I didn’t realize it was an earthquake - I thought perhaps someone had fallen out of a coconut tree.

But then I remembered I exist in the context of all in which I live and what came before me.

it seriously has nothing to do with me whether a burger was fresh or frozen

if i constructed a building it wouldn’t shake. no shade to anyone that’s just how i am

frackers ❤️

if i haven’t texted you back it’s because i’m afraid of how sexy you are

i love when someone is 33 it’s like talk to me jesus

i’m proud to be the first person with a fat ass to have contamination ocd

We are not even fully known to our own selves. So jot that down

canned fish design is at an all time high

need imessages to be more searchable. i’m trying to get my lawyer on !!!!

thank god i’m 23 because i am dumb as a bag of rocks

influencer couple i’ve been in a parasocial relationship with 6 years just got engaged. without consulting me..?

sorry i haven’t been tweeting. frankly i have nothing to say to you people

SAT 2/24: Thotline Bling
Reductress editors Madison & Sumayya Bisseret-Martinez host THOTLINE BLING--half stand-up comedy show, half advice hotline for hotties!

Featuring Kendall Relf, Asad Benbow, Jo Sunday, Sheria Mattis & Chanel Ali!

🎟️: tinyurl.com/2b5vp72a

i want to look like troye sivan :(

being boho today (drinking tea without milk)