My goal was to loose 10 pounds this year...

Only 15 more to go.

notice to riders

'straya

he was lactose intolerant

Name the group. Bonus points for the year.

Early birthday present! Surreal to see and hear my EP on vinyl. #astridallegrah BMG BMGPM_UK #ep #vinyl #vinyl collection #ThursdayFeeling

who's watching?

#IYKYK

Hamas

brain freeze

This guy introduced himself as a junior doctor.

I told him he was disgusting.

When he asked why I told him that his kind were responsible for more hospital strikes than the Israeli air force.

Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.

I accidentally locked my coat hanger in my car today...

Luckily for me - I had my keys.

I met this bird online and we hit it off. I took her out clubbing but she left immediately and I've not heard from her since. She's ignoring my texts and calls

Bit harsh. I even said she could keep all my seals

When my wife accidentally superglued her eyes shut due to the glue being next to her eye drops, I did what any concerned husband would do and acted fast

I placed the tube beside her toothpaste

Why are women embarrassed by queefs? If my cock made a farting noise, I'd show everybody.

You don't realize just how awesome a porn video is until you can't find it again.

I need a girl that loves me for my money, but isn't good at math.

If your electric car runs out of power on the interstate, do you walk to a charging station to get a bucket of electricity?

I'M AT THE AGE WHERE IF YOU TEXT ME AFTER 9PM I'M TEXTING BACK AT 4:36 AM