Me when I put all of my bread on a table but I also want to play my horn

If you need something to pass time on a plane, over the course of the flight, slowly and silently apply an entire face of clown makeup

So I’ve known about this for a minute, but I wanted it to be official before I said anything. I can finally announce that my landlord screwed a piece of cardboard to the wall

To have an ounce of his style, to have an ounce of his intrigue

It is time to get tickets to the live show at The Bell House on October 13th: eventbrite.com/e/i-said-no-gi…

Hello, here is a new episode of I Said No Gifts! with the spectacular EJ Marcus, please enjoy podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-s…

Hello, here is a new episode of I Said No Gifts! with the great Jim O'Heir, please enjoy podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-s…

Here is what happens this week: Bridger Winegar is neither frustrated nor annoyed even after Jim O'Heir (Parks and Recreation) brazenly arrives with a gift. The two discuss diet soda, the right clothing for exercise, and troubling phone calls. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-s…

A key point missing in a lot of post debate analysis is that Trump’s claim about immigrants eating pets almost perfectly syncs up to the piano in the Peanuts theme song.

Hello, here is a new episode of I Said No Gifts! with the fantastic reggie watts, please enjoy podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-s…

Wonderful news, I Said No Gifts! live at The Bell House will now also be livestreamed. Livestream tickets: veeps.events/isaidnogifts In-person tickets: eventbrite.com/e/i-said-no-gi…

A gorgeous lineup for the live show October 13th at The Bell House: Bowen Yang, Jeff Hiller, Sydnee Washington, and Fenne Lily Tickets: eventbrite.com/e/i-said-no-gi… Livestream: veeps.events/isaidnogifts

A fun thing to do when someone posts a photo of their pet is to offer to buy it, then insist, then become so hostile that they unfriend you

Am I planning to break all the rules of fall fashion? Yes, but only to protect my family

Any serious chef will tell you there are only five essential oven settings

Listen, I'll use a basket for whatever the hell I want

If you're willing to look past the drawbacks of falling down stairs, it's actually a very effective method of getting down stairs

Me when I’m holding a basket of grapes which will soon be a basket of raisins

God, if you’re out there, I plan to sue