Sad News The Jerusalem Tavern, Farringdon, closes today after 25 years (landlord problems) A huge loss to London's nightlife. Fortunately I made a last trip on Monday 🍺 Best wishes to all who worked there. I will miss you 😥

You're A Cunt It's 9:00AM

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Oh Matsudai Ramen - what you do with noodles is basically sorcery. I don't really know how I'm supposed to enjoy other ramen places, now I've fallen under your delicious spell. @ Bristol, United Kingdom instagram.com/p/CdyDOOxM0FH/…

And I say this with the DEEPEST cultural sensitivity and respect, but, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? instagram.com/p/Ce3ZQ_TMM9Z/…

Ah blast. I got sand on my #lagavulin cap. @ Skaleta instagram.com/p/Ce3iz7NM2F6/…

Join us next week on #GreatBritishBakeOff where our contestants make pumpkin soup, and show how to rewire a 13 amp socket.

Does anyone know how one can get through to a human at British Airways on the phone? We keep getting stuck in dead ends of the phone menu.

Why are we supposed to be more concerned/outraged (according to Braverman) about the £1.3 billion/yr spent on handling refugees (and thus a "problem" that's being prioritised to "solve"), and not things like pissing away £4bn on unusuable PPE?

If I was worried about people comparing me to 1930s Germany, my next move probably wouldn't be to shut down all criticism on the national broadcasting service

Spencer Metzger is the Chuck Norris of cooking, and I reckon he could easily win #GreatBritishMenu this year even though he's not competing.

I'm starting to think I might not make back that money I sunk into DogeCoin after all.

Last night I mainlined Cunk On Earth. @gralefrit Jason Hazeley Diane Morgan Charlie Brooker et al - you rock my world. Just breathtaking stuff.

Every time I open a bottle of The Chocolate Block it makes me think of JJB, who introduced me to it. Which is a shame because we drink loads of the stuff. Hey ho.

Yes,of course Bacofoil - there's no reason that the roll of clingfilm I bought with the EasyCut system should be compatible with the EasyCut Cling Film Dispenser. It was a ridiculous assumption on my part.

As with many roaming beasts, the dpd van is at it’s most vulnerable when drinking.

Lovely Sue Perkins 💙 - was wondering what your response to this piece of news might be. stereogum.com/2243848/paul-m…

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Sorry X, I can't any more. Every time I open this app I get a torrent of polarised, polemicised bile. None of the lovely, interesting stuff I joined for in 2008. I'm uninstalling the app to stem the inflow of this bilge. I guess I'm still available for DMs. :(