If you wanted to end your life this year and you’re still alive today I’m so incredibly proud of you. I know how hard it is to stay alive when everything feels dark and hopeless and impossible. I’m so glad you’re still here. You’re a f*ing warrior. I hope 2024 is better for you.

I woke up this morning in a trauma reaction. Crying, feeling the emotions from the abuse & like a little kid again. It took me hrs to get back to myself & I don’t have energy for anything else today. Trauma can affect you for yrs afterwards. Sending ❤️ to everyone who can relate

When you have PTSD just surviving the debilitating anxiety and panic can be such a challenge. We can be at home all day and we still have to fight so hard to get through the day bc our brains are screaming at us that we aren’t safe and the trauma is going to happen again.

I’m snuggling w my dog right now, everything is safe around me, & yet I’m completely full of panic. This is PTSD. This is life after trauma. Panic & terror fill you all of the sudden, out of nowhere, even when you’re completely safe. I’m sending ❤️ to everyone who feels this way.

If u are thinking about self harming right now don’t do it. The way u are feeling will pass. SH will make u feel worse. Take a 🚿 , go outside, scribble w crayons, ✍🏼 about how u feel, draw on ur arm, put 🎵 on, or 📞 a friend. These feelings will pass. U don’t deserve more pain

Trauma survivors don’t just feel panic, we feel a terror that goes deep into our very soul, paralyzing us, too intense for words. It controls everything we do and getting free of it is so hard. Sending love to everyone who feels this terror. I know how you feel.

Me: *wakes up*

My brain: Sorry, we won’t be doing anything today, we’re going to sit frozen on the couch because something bad might happen and I want you to be prepared for it and we’re going to imagine potential catastrophic scenarios to get you ready for it.

Friend over text: Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?

What I want to say: I do but I’m feeling really anxious and panicked and I think going out might put me over the edge so is it ok if we stay in and do something low key?

What I do: *ignore text*

Recovering from trauma is a 24/7 job. You never get a break or a day off. You constantly have to work at it from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep at night. It’s so exhausting & feels so overwhelming & like you’re not making progress no matter how hard you work at it.

Me: I think I’m making the trauma up.

My therapist: You literally have every single symptom of being a trauma survivor.

Me:

My therapist:

Me: But what if I’m subconsciously just doing it for attention?

Feeling helpless can be a big trigger for trauma survivors bc during the trauma we felt helpless & not in control of what was happening. When those feelings come up in the present it takes us right back to the trauma & our brains have a hard time differentiating now from then.

I’m going to the Dr today for a simple procedure & I’ve been panicked about it. My brain’s decided that this appt might make the trauma happen again & I can’t get it to see that we’re safe now. This is PTSD. It takes ‘normal’ things & convinces you the trauma’s happening again.

Have you ever been talking to someone & something they say completely triggers u? You feel it like a knife to the chest & it floods you w intense emotions/trauma memories. Pulling yourself out of a trigger like this is so difficult. Sending ❤️ to everyone who’s experienced this

Today’s the anniversary of when I went to treatment for the 1st time. I was in a very dark place & wanted to un alive myself. Today I’m glad I’m alive, things don’t feel dark anymore, & I’m actually able to work on recovering from my trauma. Things can get better. Keep holding on

You don’t just have to survive the trauma. You have to survive the YEARS after the trauma where you are flooded with really intense emotions and memories, the YEARS of flashbacks, trauma reactions, and PTSD. It’s life altering & devastating & not something you can just get over.

Nobody talks about how hard it can be to go on a trip/vacation after surviving trauma. You can be full of anxiety/panic by just staying home all the time & going on a trip can increase it x10. There are also more potential triggers when u travel & it can all feel so overwhelming

If u are worried that u are making up the trauma look at ur symptoms. U can’t make those up. Are u full of panic/anxiety, do u get flooded w intense emotions, are memories of ur childhood missing, do u always feel like something terrible’s about to happen? Ur trauma is real/valid

I have plans to go kayaking w a friend today. I’ve been before, it’s in a safe area, I love kayaking, and yet I am filled with so much panic about it and feeling like I’m going to die if I go. This is PTSD. It makes it impossible to enjoy the things you like doing. Sending you ❤️

I’ve been filled w panic all day even through everything is ok around me. I haven’t been able to figure out why or calm myself down. The panic feels like it’s been stored inside me, leftover from the trauma, & it’s coming out now. I’m thinking of all of you who feel this way too

Me: *at home, in my apartment, completely safe*

My brain: We’re about to die. Something terrible is about to happen. The trauma is about to happen again.

Me: *gets filled with panic and terror even though I’m completely safe at home*

Resting is impossible.

#ptsd #cptsd