Out on the road today I saw a deadhead sticker on a C̶a̶d̶i̶l̶l̶a̶c̶ Mercedes GLC 300

For the people upset with college protests:

Just fired off a succession of really stupid texts I can't take back and now I'm going to get my hair cut so I'm doing great why do you ask

What year is this, that's terry stotts
Also, what in tarnation

Me leaving the club

I'm afraid to ask, what does it say about me that I'm 1000% behind occupying campuses, but I wish they wouldn't break stuff while they were there? Like just use the tables but not smash them?

They let me vote so you should also vote to cancel me out

I can tell the person who picked my groceries for pickup isn't a stoner because when they were out of hohos they didn't just automatically substitute dingdongs

Difference is, Mel, that we adopt puppies, and you just want to put the babies in prison the second they're born

Heal me, greasy leftovers from Hong Kong 97

Favourite Gary Larson/Far Side cartoon?
Here's mine, regularly quoted in my own life, as I tug fruitlessly at doors that open the other way....

Never Mind the Milkshake, Here's the Ducks

It's not a bunch of other people either, nitwit

Burning your degree does nothing, you sniveling skidmark. It's still on the national student clearinghouse.

I'm sad today, I'll buy myself a lil treat from my insta feed (sees price) hallelujah I'm cured

Why 1.5 lbs by summer, he tryna fit into a bikini?

honey bears in beanies you have to stop. your drip too hard. your swag too different. your bitch too bad. they’ll kill you.