Happy Mother’s Day to all who served.

I tried to make heart worms a thing a while ago but that never panned out.

Neighbors are just people you don’t want to tell you smoke weed but you kind of had to.

Whenever I want to make an ass of myself, the internet is like “I got you.”

meeting you halfway took more miles than I’ll ever care to admit

I can’t let everything go. I have to hold on to some things for when I need something to throw.

I could tell you were a dude bro and not a bro dude just by looking at you.

when you get tired of looking for the signs you make your own

when I say I want to be covered in tattoos I mean his

all i’m saying is if i’m in the car it’s your hand i want on my thigh

Get you a girl who likes her hair being stroked more than shitting. I did.

what's the opposite of the ick called? when he does something and you're like holy fuck i will make this man marry me

you don’t have to be an unfinished painting. the right hands can change that.

no frills just all the feels you can handle

Gliding along with sunshine on my arm and your touch on the back of my head in the passenger seat feels like witchcraft.