Watching the Vancouver Canucks attempt to play playoff hockey is like a baby taking its first steps.

This is Karma for trying to look tough on game 82.

LA Kings must have a first-round exit fetish for wanting to play the Oilers again.

When McDavid hit the 100-assist milestone, that was something that hadn’t been done in 32 years. But when Kucherov hit the 100-assist milestone, that was something that hadn’t been done in 48 hours. Not as impressive.

Canuck fans are just a bunch of mentally challenged humans that get together and cheer for a hockey team.

You’re unbearably naive if you think Vancouver Canucks stand a chance against the Edmonton Oilers. They don’t know what it takes to win in the playoffs and have a roster full of men who drink estrogen from their water bottles.

You know what’s more impressive than 70 goals? Leon Draisaitl having 31 playoff goals and a 1.57 points per game compared to Auston Matthews 22 and 0.88 points per game.

By looking at this and doing basic math, it’ll tell you who really shows up when it matters most.

29 > 34

There’s one thing Vegas can’t circumvent, and that’s losing to the Oilers.

The Oilers beat the Avs 6-2, then casually beat Vegas 5-1 without McDavid. When are these crackhead hockey fans going to realize that the Oilers are at the top of the food chain? No team poses a threat. Get over it.

This mother fucker just froze a chicken finger to use as his personal dildo.

How many goals would Matthews have without the assist? I’ll give you a hint: the number is low.

Playmakers make goal scorers better, they don’t make playmakers better.

It’s time to take the blinders off and realize Matthews is just a byproduct of the players around him.

70 goals has been done by 8 different players. 100 assists has been done by 3 different players.

The milestone done by fewer players would be harder to accomplish; it’s common sense.

Whether you like it or not, McDavid has found a way to one up Matthew yet again.

The Avs found out who their long lost father was tonight.

Get absolutely abandoned.

Does violence in sports scare you Ken? Go hide behind your wife and protect those virgin eyes.

Jennifer Botterill is what cancer would look like if it was a person.

Act your age, not your IQ. This is the average for all playoff teams against other playoff teams. But you wouldn’t know that because you cheer for a team that doesn’t even know what the playoffs are.

Oilers decided to be a donation to the Stars charity tonight because they’re a classy organization. Let’s not get it twisted here, folks. When the pressure is on, we all know who’s truly better, and it’s not the Stars.

Listen, if the Blues didn’t give up their ass to the refs before the game, we all know it would be 3-0 Oilers right now.

Drew Doughty is just an ugly woman on Meth.

That’s not hard. A weight loss program and some exercise would do the job.