All men lie.

At least pick one with a boat.

Sorry, folks. My favorite app on my phone is my lawn maintenance app.

You can never really *own* earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together

The older I get the more I understand why roosters wake up every day and simply scream their lungs out.

I’m not a real woman, you guys 🤣🤣 Neil Baker

Better than my tits 🤣

If you’re gonna send me something unsolicited in my DMs .. it better be a recipe.

Just because they ask for no lotion or deodorant use for your mammogram does not mean you should forego a shower altogether. 😒

I always worry that the pork shoulder shrunk too much in the crock pot but then I end up with a 55 gallon drum of pulled pork.

The earthquake was way more exciting than the eclipse… i want my money back

Some people are just so talented. Not me or you, but others.

FUCK YES A TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE!!!! .....

*Stares at iPhone*

I’m so happy! Love you Frankie MacDonald

My heart! ❤️

Whatever the opposite of “up and at ‘em” is, I’m that

Hotel room drunk is on a whole other level

Apparently “suns out, buns out” is frowned upon at the park. I thought this was America.

Accidentally Just opened my front camera. We remain grateful for personality 😂

Obviously you do since you’re having such a tantrum about it Randy Jones

35 vs 45 #10yearchallenge
I may be smiling but I was miserable.
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