welcome back OJ

please just give us coffee that doesn’t taste like you made it in a dishwasher

I try not to be Obviously Canadian when we visit French Husband's family but the one time I was like 'hey isn't it a bit strange that we're trying to go to a bar with two dogs and six toddlers at 9pm' they looked at me like I had personally handed over Quebec to the English

somewhere out there a French person is reading through the discourse this created and chuckling as they order another glass of wine for both their dog and their toddler in a French bar

when you saw one set of tracks in the snow, it was then that I carried you

high school english teacher told me that writing silly jokes on the internet was not a realistic career path and look how that turned out - he's retiring on a full union pension and I made $67 on Patreon last month. absolutely crushed it, Mr. S.

buddy learned everything he knows about posing by cycling through outfit choices on The Sims

I hope there’s a version of the universe where the Roman Empire never fell. every G20 summit is just 19 world leaders in black suits and one dude named Augustus Julius Tiberius Theodosius CXLVII rocking robes and laurel wreaths in every photo

my high school science teacher told our class that most of us would probably die prematurely due to climate change and in hindsight I miss his boundless optimism

My awful cousin has been arrested for … of all things… horse theft. Pioneer ass crime. Little house on the prairie ass crime.