I think I had enough todaying for today

kinda pissed no one said “good morning, beautiful” to me today

I always say that I want someone obsessed with me until I get a text from my ex husband, 10 years post divorce like “YOU left me! I had NO choice!” Then I’m like Nvm… emotionally unavailable is fine

This will be us if you keep liking and RT my stuff

Just convinced myself that it would be ok to have an apple fritter for breakfast by saying “at least it’s not meth”

Lawnmowers should explode if they’re started before 10am.

Gonna text him “Good morning, princess” to establish dominance

I’ll have an entire conversation with you and be cool with it knowing that it’s the last time I’ll ever give you access to me

When I was in HS we put straight vodka in these bottles and took to parties, along with a movie roll full of weed. Not sure how I survived the 90’s!

I’m on this good guy diet, but damn those snacks are so tempting!

Blame it all on my roots. I show you my glutes. Or whatever tf Garth Brooks said

One thing about me is that I push my feelings to the side real fast and move on

Was going to post a boob pic but the bra is already on. Next time!

💀💀

My toxic trait is blocking them everywhere and getting mad they didn’t contact me

My friend’s love life is 100% my problem too

You call it Tequila. I call it “liquid beauty filter”

Three things I’ve learned to always say: please, thank you and fuck you

My love life is just a search for the next disappointment

Sometimes you’re born with a taste for crazy and there’s nothing you can do about it