How's it going?

Books!

Opened a window to put a bug out and immediately a larger, more intimidating bug came in. ffs

For fans of the Hull Werewolf 👇⚪️🐩

I've been told my conception was something like that.

That it involved at least one plane and some dogshit behaviour.

I see the Conservatives deleted that post and clearly no longer believe in Britain.

Ok, who had glass eyes is woke on their woke bingo cards?

We'd known this kid for YEARS, played with him, been to his house, eaten his mother's food.

All that time, he was just waiting.

And the thing is, despite what PuffinBooks and Dahl will have you believe, his glass eye wasn't disgusting or upsetting, the way his mind worked was.

Godzilla 2.

The twits at PuffinBooks reminded me of this one time at school. In the playground, having a lovely time, when a kid said, 'Hey, watch this,' then took his glass eye out.

Thing is, none of us knew he had a glass eye.

Kids were running and screaming like it was a terror attack.

The Conservatives' social media manager was waking up naked and in the woods this morning, surrounded by empty cans, thinking, 'Boy, I hope I didn't tweet anything really stupid,' and the PuffinBooks social media wonk was like, 'Here, hold my eyeball...'

One of my local binmen has a strange compulsion, and I know this because I've watched him over several weeks (I have compulsions too). He has to pick his nose and wipe it on every bin he collects and takes to the truck.

HOW DOES HE HAVE ENOUGH SNOT FOR EVERY BIN ON THE ROUTE?

Someone at Tory HQ is delighted that their 'second best Britain' post got attention, in the same way my dad's old cellmate used to smear his own shit on the walls.

I highly doubt we'd win an armed conflict with Iceland, the store.

This looks like one of those shit DVDs you see sold at Poundland.

The SECOND most POWERFUL country???

Are you out of your fucking mind?

I suspect we'll be able to tell quite quickly whether Liz Truss has written her new book herself or used AI to create it.

I was chatting with a couple in the cemetery earlier (because I'm like that), and when they told me where they lived, I said, 'Oh, didn't your place make the local news recently, with all the rats getting inside?'

And the lady replied, 'Actually, I quite like the rats.'

🐀

They're not spicy, they're aggressive.

Liz Truss, seen here holding the entire print run of her new book.