The best part about Twitter is getting to know people so well they pretend you dont exist.

Hot dads in your area are busy unwrapping socks.

Did I do that?

I was awake way too early - don't piss me off today.

I'm a recent graduate of the Syrup Tishus School of Influencing.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bookmark it.

I just found out my husband thought White Claws were energy drinks and he's been drinking one on the way to work every day.

it's Mabel, your local Midwest dairy cow (again). someone brought fries, rings, and chicken strips to the ranch party? MOO-sic to my ears!

Ya 'hose'r.

Is this anything

It went from “not so bad without the wind” to “wouldn’t be so bad with a little breeze” faster than a midwesterner who just saw a state trooper take the last exit

Me using my amateur meteorology skills, phone radar, and Midwest Dad timing to get this grill session in between storms….

My good friend, Richard Neer of WNEW FM & WFAN fame “helped me move” into my new home at Hilton Head, SC. Kramer wasn’t available.

fourscore minus twenty years ago, i was born

My wife keeps the clock in her car 12 minutes fast and I think she needs to talk to somebody about this.

Classic Midwest behavior right here.

Syrup Tishus Ummm... x.com/mommywhitfield…