The best shirt to wear to a bowling alley. Bonus points if you’re just there to roll a couple of 98s and get hammered.

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Ringo picked the wrong goddamn day to rob that restaurant. Luckily for him, he caught this man in a transitional period.

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If you know this one, you’re my kind of fucking individual …

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“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

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“I want my painting back.”

“The painting was a gift, Todd. I’m taking it with me.”

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Herb Tarlek was so goddamn far ahead of his time that his legal address in 1978 was “The Vanguard of Fashion.”

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I almost feel guilty doing this.

Who was your first favorite wide receiver? I’ll start on behalf of myself and my fellow wideout sophisticate Dan Shulman:

I’m not sure Javier Bardem as Anton Chigurh isn’t the greatest performance ever. I still think of Anton Chigurh as a real person half the time.

“I said no more shines. Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away a long time. They didn't go up there and tell you. I don’t shine shoes anymore.”

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This one is specifically for the 14 people who just laughed. You know who you are.

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My favorite Disney movie remains the critically acclaimed “Honey, I Shrunk Dave Winfield.”

If you had an emergency in the 70s and these sweet bastards showed up you knew shit was was about to be under control.

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It really just doesn’t get much better than seeing Dick Butkus haul in a fucking extra point pass after a bad snap.

“Jerry, this is gonna be the new look for the 90s. You're gonna be the first pirate!”

“But I don’t wanna be a pirate!”

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“Ok, honey, almost ready. Did you remember to pack your bags and line up the children in the most dangerous fucking situation possible for when I barrel down the highway at 80 mph?”

“Yes, dear, of course.”

“Then let’s hit the road.”

“I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.”

I grew up in this era so my NBA playoff standards are a little goddamn higher.

I remember when the college All-American team was good enough to make the NBA playoffs …

Somehow managed to get Danny Partridge consistent gigs. Do you think that shit was fucking easy?

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