imagine having so much boob sweat they had to design a bra that includes 21,000 little fans

How it started / How it’s going

in addition to tackling, any player wearing the new helmet will also have the option to take out opposing players using banana peels or turtle shells

if your man doesn’t scream the third line during sex you know the p*say is cooked

a fun way to interpret The Simpsons is everyone in Springfield HAS aged 35 years or whatever. Bart is really in his 40s. Everyone has just had their aging stunted by exposure to a nuclear power plant with a poor safety record

call me a hater but dropping your baby to go after a foul ball isn’t the flex this is made out to be lmaooooo

the guy who set himself on fire this week had a manifesto and the first thing he refers to, noting that it’s the biggest secret in the world, is something that anyone who is involved with any US -based start-up company knew a year ago

revealing my age a bit here but in the days before uber you committed to leaving the bar by 12:30am or staying out in a neighborhood until 3 bc there’s no taxis at last call and drunk-walking the hills home was straight up not an option

me when Sydney Sweeney comes up in my twitter feed

ok cool OR how about we just don’t build computers smart enough to do murders

There’s a lot of “discourse” about this bc of course a salary of $76k for her is ridiculous but also this isn’t (primarily) a sexism thing. Reality is she’ll crush it with endorsement $$$ AND prob be the #1 reason teams will be able to pay future players more cash

Even with this lead-in, I promise that the identity of Valerie Bertonelli’s new boyfriend is way worse than you think

can’t believe T*sla is having layoffs who would’ve thought that developing a pretend tank for virgins was a bad business gambit

being alive is fine I guess but does it have to be EVERY day!? christ a day off here and there would do wonders

Maybe they’re relatives (get it bc his name is tiger WOODS) lol

love this app where I scroll my feed and am shown a video of a murder from an account I don’t follow. Really great stuff

it’s so weird to remember that all animals used to be wild animals. imagine how disconcerting it’d be to just like stumble upon a pack of poodles in the wilderness.

I need to go back to school just to be competitive in dating I guess