Rudolph is a rare example of bioluminescense in mammals. Another is when we made our weakest cousin swallow a keychain flashlight. Weakest cousin is determined annually by a series of bouts
Really doesn't seem prudent to just go around pulling swords out of stones. Whoever stabbed that rock probably had a good reason to. Best never to find out why.
Sometimes you'll be in the midst of a moment and you'll have the unshakeable realisation that this is the clip they'll use during your Best Supporting Actor nomination.
Few things are more thrilling than going to a new supermarket. I am a tourist. Everything is new. All things are possible. This is it, this is where I will finally find the one item that fills the hole at the centre of my being.
My Year 10 geography teacher once said I was 'destined to achieve great things in mediocrity.' Today I made this cheesecake for the Office Christmas Bake-Off and won it. So fuck you, Mr Billington.
getting annoyed at a rock for not being a perfect skipping stone and then calming down when i realize it’s only a matter of time and it’s getting smoother by the minute
To whichever one of you was on here just casually recommending Klaus the other day, I hope you're proud of yourself. You made me cry in front of my wife. I had to pretend our dog had died.
It's nonsense that you're not allowed to take the toaster in the bath. Bathtoast is probably the best toast of all. But they'll never let us know. They'll never let us live deliciously.