I really want to engage here but all my replies go viral and don't want the attention

How come she can lick the table?

My wife got me one of these
Very cool and made very well

POV

You're gonna bring us 2 Absolut Martinis. You know how I like them. Straight up. And then precisely 7 and one half minutes after that, you're gonna bring us 2 more. Then 2 more after that every 5 minutes until one of us passes the fuck out

My daughter's in Florida and apparently went to the shark tooth capital of the world. Got over 1k in a day

Dear Mother Nature,
Please don't let this solar flare shit affect my IndiesCoffeeCo order

Need to get a Florida cop

Give me a cybertruck and watch me turn it into a 79 CJ5 with a 340 V8

#solarstorm

Just a kid playing Cop in Florida

Send me a pic
Tell me what you want to say
And I'll make you a meme so you can quit sharing the same damn one

Apparently the solar storm wiped out my blue check. Support can you just pop that back in there for me

Just made it out of Sam's Club without getting my receipt checked

#turn22to0

Move aside
And let the man go through

Are you R.E.D.

If this doesn't immediately throw you into a seizure you have no soul

Cars and coffee at a gun store?
If I only had a cool car to take to it