“You treat this tree like a bloody hotel.”

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️It’s so easy to apply and the odds are great. You have nothing to lose. You have just over a week. DO IT!

Husband made me a train snack. Thanks, husband.

Calm down. They have automatic sliding doors.

If I were planning a hen do I would insist everyone dressed as Liz Truss and spent the whole night pulling on doors marked “push”, holding menus upside down and talking blankly about pork markets.

We laughed at Boomers for sneering at the term, “human resources”, but they were right. It’s a clear warning about who they’re for, isn’t it?

Fantasy casting: if anyone makes a film or television version of Mat Osman’s beautiful Ghost Theatre, Eliot Sumner (Freddie Miles in Ripley) would make a captivating Nonesuch.

Computer, zoom and enhance!

Scot queer writers, if you'd like to be in with a chance of inclusion in FIERCE SALVAGE, the follow up to 2019's We Were Always Here, don't forget our submissions window is open until May 6th!

Full info here:
queerwordsprojectscotland.com

That Spectator column reads like an enemy of Lloyd Evans hacked into his email and filed fake copy under his name, but nobody desking it thought the vibe was in any way out of character and didn’t check. Astonishing.

It’s muck-up day in North Berwick so pre-exam kids are allowed to do pranks. But they’re mainly sweet so graffiti like this - by the teachers’ parking - is washable, correctly spelt and comes with an affectionate sign-off.

And I said 'What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?'
She said, 'I think I remember that film
And as I recall, I think we both found it racist.'
And I said 'Well, that's one thing we've got.'

The comedian Fern Brady talks to @msashleydavies about the inspiration behind her latest tour, dealing with hecklers and why she’s over light entertainment ⬇️ thetimes.co.uk/article/fern-b…

❤️🥹

I just typed “mlemlemllemlemlem”* in an email and got a typo alert so I took out the fourth L and gmail decided that spelling was cool.

* I had a good reason - I was quoting a sheep talking with her mouth full.

Fern Brady’s earliest memory was looking around a soft play area and thinking: “I hate every single one of yous.”

Her new tour hits the UK in August and Autistic Bikini Queen’s on Netflix from 22 April.

In print in The Times and The Sunday Times Scotland on Saturday.

thetimes.co.uk/article/fern-b….

Two years old but still relevant. I would add/emphasise the importance of asking Edinburgh Festival Fringe how they can help you.

Live in Edinburgh?

Want access to 3000+ instruments with infinite swaps?
Choose instruments from our online catalogue at MusicBroth.org and collect them from @theedinburghtoollibrary in Meadowbank, the last Monday of every month between 5.30-6.30pm!

#RepairReuse

The first questions physios should ask are: “Do you have a cat?” and “Do you zigzag yourself sleepless to maximise their comfort even though they easily and regularly nap in trees, under bushes and on the fridge?”