Hi John Cena. Just thought of an idea for an instructional video called John Cena's Sea Nah's and I'd love if you could host it. We could post it on YouTube and hopefully make some money from ads and whatnot. Let me know if you're interested. Thanks. MC

Been trying to become a conspiracy theorist but it's not going great :(

TECH TIP

Don't want to comment on a friend's Facebook post but DO want to positively acknowledge it? No problem! Simply copy and paste the post into a blank document, print it out, draw a thumbs-up emoji underneath it and then show it to your friend next time you see them 👍

My biggest fear as a voter? The government mandates that everyone must always be carrying a big plastic beam

1. Tax increases to manufacture the beams
2. Costly to hire inspectors who check everyone is carrying their beam
3. Someone might steal my beam

This better not happen 😡

A common tech problem is having the F12 button on your keyboard stolen by local hoodlums. So here's a workaround:

- Use an axe to remove your F, 1 and 2 keys
- Use a blowtorch to fuse these buttons together
- Smush the resulting button into the vacant F12 slot

Problem solved 👍

Finally- for far too long have artists with <1000 streams been accumulating and hoarding their immense wealth.

Delighted to help parents keep their kids entertained at this difficult time 👍

If I was a Premier League manager and my team were playing an 8:15pm midweek match, I'd give my players just one piece of advice before kick-off:

Brush your teeth now and wear your pyjamas under your kit. That way, you'll be able to go to bed quicker when you get home.

Thought of an amazing idea today. If any solar panel companies want to buy this concept from me, send offers via DM please 👍

🇵🇸 We are very proud that more than 2,070 artists have signed our Pledge to Boycott Apartheid Israel! If you are an Irish or Ireland based artist, you can show your solidarity with the Palestinian people and sign here ➡️ ipsc.ie/cultural-boyco…
#FreePalestine #BDS

One of my favourites from Sir Michael

[Private Message to John Cena] Hi John. What did you think of the 1994 movie Speed? I didn't like it. Too noisy. So I've written a pitch for a much better adaptation with you in the lead role. Let me know if you want to be involved. Thanks. MC

For anyone who doesn't have Spotify Premium but wants to replay songs, here's a workaround

If you're not putting oat milk in your oatmeal then you're not oatmaxing and I don't have time for unserious people

One thing I'd hate is if the W key on computer keyboards was replaced with a long, upward-pointing icicle:

Firstly, would be hard to close my laptop and fit it in my laptop bag. Secondly, if the icicle melted, the run-off water could spill on my desk

I hope it doesn't happen 🤞

[Private Message to John Cena] Hi John. Have attached the outline for a gameshow idea I've been working on (it's about things that look like horses). Would you be interested in hosting? No problem if not, just let me know either way b/c I need to get this off the ground asap 👍

Like every year, please continue to scrupulously avoid reminding Sir Michael that today is Pi Day. And absolutely refrain from wishing him Happy Pi in the Face Day.

Here's my controversial theory on the missing princess:

Very suspicious she's been kidnapped given all the security typically assigned to a royal. I suspect one of her guards may be secretly working for Bowser. She and Mario must implement a full security audit after this rescue

[Private Message to John Cena] Hi John. Been thinking for a while there's a gap in the market for a movie about stainless steel. Here's a pitch I've written up. If you want, you can play the role of Bobby. Am hoping to get this into production month. Let me know. Thanks 👍

COLD-BLOODED INSULTS YOU CAN USE TO DEFEAT ANY ONLINE ENEMY

3. Your posts are not as awe-inspiring as Van Gogh's masterpiece The Starry Night
2. Your posts contain fewer umlauts than the global average
1. Your posts are unlikely to form the basis of a successful Broadway musical