I tried to get a selfie with Michael Rappaport, but he scurried down a sewer drain before I could talk to him

look at my Uber driver dog I’m going to hell

the website I’m booking a hotel through is asking for a tip are you kidding me

Wingstop guy asked me how my day was and when I said it was not great he smacked his hands together and said “nah son, I got you— hold up” and tripled the wings in my order

you’re right Wingstop guy,
you do got me 🫡

I think we should follow the instructions of Karma Police and arrest people with bad vibes

What 6 months of consistent looksmaxxing can do for you if you actually try.

The thing is, most men will never even do the bare minimum.

There is an intense sweetness in the fruit you harvest from the labour of taking care of yourself.

this dog drives an old Buick and is saving up for phish tickets

most hated part of the modern internet of shit is truly that reviews are worthless.

I’m in a city I’ve never been to and every restaurant review is absolutely written either by AI or a poorly paid overseas worker. “Exquisite and divine was this meal!” Oh ok Janet from Stamford

hell yeah I love cops, who else can you call for free to show up and shrug , all while telling you what you already knew

thank you brave officer of the CT State Police who instead of asking if I needed help explained in detail the law requires I “pull to the side of the road as far as possible”

yes but I cannot PUSH my car further sideways, as I am at the base of a hill

and it

is a fucking car

well, well , welll, shit

can anyone identify what these pouches are??,

horizontal tube, rounded bottoms with 4 molle, the front is a short tube no wider than a Red Bull can, and only a bit deeper than one

Lara Croft and Quiet from Metal Gear walked so Steller Blade could run [away in fear of angry game nerds]

doing this outside the court house when my client gets a not guilty on two counts (guilty on the third and the sentence is death)

I’ve seen this cover used as a meme thousands of times and only today do I realize that it’s an actual game not a Photoshop someone made

oh ok so Kenny G can blast his clarinet through the casino but I do it and I’m “bad at clarinet” and “ruining the ambiance of this Chuck E Cheese”

pool salesman sounds and looks like Jordan Peterson in disguise I’m worried if I don’t buy from him he’s gonna make a snarky podcast about me

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

I have to be in Brooklyn tomorrow and the next day so if you see me you can wave at me or say what’s up or give me $72,634

this is my youngest son Gorg before playing Roblox and after playing Roblox