'I'm sorry sir, but just one more thing. If these documents were planted by the FBI, why do you say you want them back?' #TrumpIsGoingToJail

I really am God, this really is My Twitter account, and if you don't believe that you're really going to hell.

Perfect answer. 👌

Happy Saturday, Larsonites. 🐑🐕

Don't mess with us Zlatan Ibrahimović

This is where the ABC was destined

Thiss iss the climate report that Ssussan Ley kept ssecret before the election. theconversation.com/this-is-austra…

Popped my head into the Gray Street bakery and told a genuinely layered joke about cream horns that left the girls shrieking like penguins and caused a postie to tearfully soil himself. I simply cannot, and will not, find the “off” switch. Have a great day.

The inventor of auto-correct has died 😭😭😭

His funnel is tomato 😳😳

After many requests, we have agreed to release our costings for the installation of the flag on Sydney Harbour Bridge

Surprise announcement from the Vatican White puff pending

#insiders
OK so ' our ABC ' is now having a lend . #insiders this Sunday with 2 ex Murdochs and 2 present Murdoch journos. The only thing missing will be the Harvey Norman ads. When do we get our ' independent' broadcaster back ?

Weather warning to RSPCA. Prepare for mass emasculation of brass monkeys

The Gunited States: 400 million guns. Endless massacres.Insane drug laws.Mass incarnation - particularly of African Americans. Police violence. Capital punishment.The criminalisation of abortion.And a treasonous and insane President poised for a return to power.Failed State

BREAKING: Next week on #qanda , Stan Grant interviews Stan Grant about why Stan Grant's opinions are so important.

Hey. 13% of the vote counted in Peter Dutton’s seat and his primary vote is down 6%. He could be in trouble.

Caroline Jones, long-time presenter of abctv AustralianStory, has died after a fall at her Sydney home. She was 84.

#PuntTheCunt

'I’ve got my eye on a sweet one-bedroom 2002 Ford Falcon” theshovel.com.au/2022/05/16/hos…

We're at the begging stage: 'I promise I will change, just give me a chance.' There is an irony in this so large it would block out the sun.