It’s my understanding that it’s not easy to find an insect’s testicles, but I still sleep with a baseball bat beside my bed in case I want to try to hit a few fly balls.

Whatever.

At least she's not married to Elon anymore.

24 years in the opera travel biz and this is, without question, this nicest (looking) contract I've ever received from a hotel. Could someone look up 'attrition' and then give me your credit card number and sign this? There are only two clauses I can't stand in this world...

1. Did I need another cassette deck? No. But this is the goddamned Walkman Sports. There was no way I was leaving the thrift shop without it.
2. Nightcap ambrosia, topped with thrift shop opera glasses. If this vermouth were an opera, it would be Cocchi fan tutte (Mozart joke).

TOP 5 WORST EAGLES FILMS:

5. Bridge on the River Frey
4. Take it Easy A
3. About Timothy B. Schmit
2. Red Don Henley / Felder Dreams
1. Walshstreet

They call me the GOAT because I eat a lot of roti.

The people who muted me on account of my puns are really missing out on the other 9% of my comedic bag o’ tricks.

Not saying that my bath is hot, but a witch just showed up and tossed in some eye of newt.

I’m not sure exactly when it started that you have to put your own leftovers in a takeout box in restaurants, but I have to congratulate the servers’ union on winning that concession.

I don’t mean to burden you folks with this, but last night, I was worried that I was headed down a pretty dark and dangerous path. Seriously—I think the town needs to put a few more lights on that path.

Only a jerk would quote their own lyrics, so here’s one that won me The Ritzker Prize in Song Architecture by a cracker:

And at the end of all this drama/
will there be a period or just a comma?

Whatever. Such a Kydd-er.

Great guitar solo though.

thegoldenseals.bandcamp.com/track/to-be-or…

I am a wine man for the county, and on this Friday afternoon (yeah, crappy week) that county is Macedonia. Avoid Greek wines at your peril. Some delicious business going on there. This is killer and tastes like a $50 Nebbiolo, all for $24 (CAD). No need to be a Greek tycoon. A1.

When I was in school in Vancouver, I used to eat dinner in front of the telly and watch Robin and Jim (and then Judy) every night. Best news program ever. RIP to a great journalist, a great intellect, and a great Canadian.

It's probably too late to do anything about this, but I'm pretty sure it should be 'I can't get ANY satisfaction.'

Hey let’s not forgot about this cover of Paul McCartney’s “Every Night” that International Sous Chef Magazine called “three minutes and twenty-three seconds long.” Features the great Christine Bougie (@BahamasMusic, @TurksandCaicosMusic) on lap steel.

thegoldenseals.bandcamp.com/album/songs-by…

Any good countries left?

I’M COMIN’ TO JOIN YOU,
BRIE-LIZABETH!

IDEA: Pepperoni and green olives pizza, but without the dough and sauce. So, charcuterie, really.

Never mind.