getting circumcised, which one we thinking?

[trying to figure out if shes more of a top or bottom] so….would you consider yourself a stalactite or stalagmite ?

do girls with bangs practice saying “hmph” in the mirror all day

maybe if i get one more notebook i’ll actually write something in them

asking the suicide hotline people if they’re okay before i talk about myself

invented a new type of guy

fake ass adhd sufferer i saw you completing a task

sorry for sending 10 messages in a row beginning with “also”… i’m a real ponderer

[funding a genocide voice] hey guys …uhh ..WEEED😎

when i was a kid i used to day dream that the teacher would let us play guitar hero in front of the class and i’d get up and rock out so hard on medium difficulty i would get a gf

hey i found where you live

are you studying to be a nurse? (derogatory)

not only my cock but also my balls

just kidding about the sex i set up a picnic in the garage we’re gonna watch the storm together

joining an open relationship so i can make friends

going to the pharmacy 5 minutes before closing asking for all the leftover adderall

[flossing my teeth] if i was so depressed could i do this

ur honor she quid on my pro til i quo

[judge banging gavel over and over] 😤