Nothing makes me wanna post a bill like a post no bills sign.

“do you like partying? this computer will have the fun for you, giving you more time to clean up afterwards while being hungover!”

I am very excited to see the movie where Matilda plays a little ballerina vampire girl that is trying to eat Dan Stevens and Kathryn Newton. That seems like a good time to me.

Biden is gonna be so privately angry tomorrow, wonder if it’ll leak

There is a small subset of people who refuse to see that the world at large is horrified by the wholesale slaughter of innocents and that the politics of Israel and Gaza are not what they were 20 years ago.

The problem is that almost everyone in power is a part of that subset.

'The bears are unaware' REALLY makes me laugh. Like if you told the bears they would be on TV, they'd suddenly start acting different and affect the integrity of the results.

They’re doing a speed run of the boom/bust cycle up in Silicon Valley

This is just so insane. She isn't allowed to speak because she linked to a pro-Palestine website on her Instagram. Just repulsive cowardice.

latimes.com/california/sto…

Look at this line up!

Holy shit, this guy is dumb.

Cancel culture's gotten so bad you can't even do a bunch of racist caricatures at the Senate Republican holiday gala anymore. smdh

There are MULTIPLE baskets from local weed dispensaries that were donated for my kid's elementary school fundraiser auction.

Bluey is so fucking good, man.

One week from tonight!

Convoy Pops Up with Betsy Sodaro, Tony Rodriguez, Victoria Longwell, Mark Rennie, Chase McCown, Michael Lucid, Conner Shin & more!

Sunday 4/21, 9pm. Tix: eventbrite.com/e/convoy-pops-…

At this point, when a show puts all its episodes out at once I’m significantly less likely to ever watch it. It inexplicably stresses me out. Just give me one a week and I can handle it. Ten at once? So, I’m a broken man now. Can’t handle it.

Tonight! At UCB Theatre LA! I’m doing this show! High chance something in it makes me deeply uncomfortable!

With Lyndsey Frank, Molly Kiernan, Meredith Paul, Chris Renfro, Kale Hills, Jiavani and Lauren Holt!

Tix: ucbcomedy.com/show/big-snatc…

Well, at least Kissinger is dead.