Dad Jokes(@Dadsaysjokes) 's Twitter Profileg
Dad Jokes

@Dadsaysjokes

Best dad jokes on twitter - we’re also on Instagram and Facebook.

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linkhttps://linktr.ee/dadjokeslinks calendar_today05-09-2017 11:24:40

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I've decided, that from January 1st, I'll only be watching videos in 1080p or higher.

It's my New Year's Resolution.

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My wife told me I’ve grown as a person.

Her actual word were “you’ve gotten fat”, but I know what she meant

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

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I've read so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently that I’ve made a New Year's resolution: NO MORE READING!!

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As I was getting in bed, she said, 'you’re drunk.'

I said, 'How do you know?'

She said, 'You live next door.'

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An Englishman is hiking in Scotland and drinks from a stream. A shepherd passing says, 'Dinnae drink frae that, it's fulla coo piss an shite!'

The Englishman says 'Please say that in the King’s English?'

The Shepherd says 'Sorry sir, would you like this cup for a proper…

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