Ariane Sherine(@ArianeSherine) 's Twitter Profileg
Ariane Sherine

@ArianeSherine

Future pop star. Writer: @Guardian @TheTimes @NewStatesman @Esquire @ObserverUK @NME. Debut solo album BETTER out 2024 as @arianexmusic. She/Her.

ID:18820955

linkhttps://linktr.ee/arianesherine calendar_today10-01-2009 00:03:37

45,1K Tweets

10,5K Followers

2,6K Following

Ariane Sherine(@ArianeSherine) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Nah. I’m a one-man woman.

Actually I’m a no-man woman right now, which I’m quite enjoying. No emotional upheaval or complications, no being beholden to anyone else, no ugly belongings taking up space and cluttering up my beautiful house.

Just peace, blissful simple peace. Ahhh!

Nah. I’m a one-man woman. Actually I’m a no-man woman right now, which I’m quite enjoying. No emotional upheaval or complications, no being beholden to anyone else, no ugly belongings taking up space and cluttering up my beautiful house. Just peace, blissful simple peace. Ahhh!
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I needed to change an interviewee’s name from Rob to Robert in the book.

I nearly used the ‘Find and Replace’ function, before realising that all instances of the word ‘probably’ would turn into ‘probertably’!

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Ha ha, yeah mine needs backdating around two months. I’m quite enjoying the solitude though, and the reprieve from shaving my legs. They currently look like they’re covered in long-legged black spiders.

Ha ha, yeah mine needs backdating around two months. I’m quite enjoying the solitude though, and the reprieve from shaving my legs. They currently look like they’re covered in long-legged black spiders.
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I find heavy metal discordant, verging on unlistenable. My own music is the opposite: very melodic, pretty, concordant and tonally sweet, even if the lyrics are acerbic. Here’s an example of a song I wrote about my ex, who said I’d never make it in music. on.soundcloud.com/Vt8brbPMumMZi5…

I find heavy metal discordant, verging on unlistenable. My own music is the opposite: very melodic, pretty, concordant and tonally sweet, even if the lyrics are acerbic. Here’s an example of a song I wrote about my ex, who said I’d never make it in music. on.soundcloud.com/Vt8brbPMumMZi5…
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While I’m flattered, OnlyFans is as seedy as one of those clementines where you’re constantly spitting out the pips. I would much rather do something involving intelligence, wit and talent.

While I’m flattered, OnlyFans is as seedy as one of those clementines where you’re constantly spitting out the pips. I would much rather do something involving intelligence, wit and talent.
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I checked with David that he wasn’t actually purple in real life.

He hasn’t replied and I think he might actually be purple.

I checked with David that he wasn’t actually purple in real life. He hasn’t replied and I think he might actually be purple.
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LOL, what do you think this is, a dating site?! OK: Victoria Symes, you have an admirer. I probably know who it is too, so DM me if you want to know.

LOL, what do you think this is, a dating site?! OK: @victoria_impact, you have an admirer. I probably know who it is too, so DM me if you want to know.
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This is like one of those Faustian pacts in creepy fairy tales, if the fairy tale were 18+. “And Bluebeard promised, ‘I shall keep you in comfort for two years, but after the two years have elapsed, you shalt do my bidding and attend to all my whims.’ And the girl was afeared.”

This is like one of those Faustian pacts in creepy fairy tales, if the fairy tale were 18+. “And Bluebeard promised, ‘I shall keep you in comfort for two years, but after the two years have elapsed, you shalt do my bidding and attend to all my whims.’ And the girl was afeared.”
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Romantic chemistry is a complex thing. I’m sure you’re lovely, but if I said no to a second date then my feelings aren’t going to change. Which is shitty, I know. I’ve experienced rejection quite a bit in the last decade, as a fat girl, and it really sucks. So I’m truly sorry.

Romantic chemistry is a complex thing. I’m sure you’re lovely, but if I said no to a second date then my feelings aren’t going to change. Which is shitty, I know. I’ve experienced rejection quite a bit in the last decade, as a fat girl, and it really sucks. So I’m truly sorry.
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I’m flattered that you want a second date, but there must be some reason why we didn’t go on one! If I said no, it’s probably because I didn’t feel attracted. Maybe you could reveal your identity privately and I’ll give you a straight answer, because right now I’m just guessing.

I’m flattered that you want a second date, but there must be some reason why we didn’t go on one! If I said no, it’s probably because I didn’t feel attracted. Maybe you could reveal your identity privately and I’ll give you a straight answer, because right now I’m just guessing.
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Have been asked my favourite joke on Nigel. I guess you want a smutty one…

What’s the difference between jam and marmalade?

You can’t marmalade your cock into a woman’s arse!

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